Change

I was always a school geek. Loved it! Never missed unless I just couldn't get out of bed, but most of the time I would force myself up and at 'em and attend class.

The summer after graduating I worked for our local newspaper. I worked side by side with the Editor. The paper was owned by a local family who had 12 children who all worked at the paper. Being Greek, they were very close net and each day at noon the mother, who at this time was in her late 60's and the grandmother who was in her late 80's, would come into the paper and cook lunch for all the employee's. I became quite close to this family and looked forward to work everyday.

At Christmas time, my first few years at college I would come home and attend their family Christmas parties and during each summer worked for their newspaper. They kept certain employee's as family members and I was lucky enough to be one of them.

As years went on I became per vie to private information regarding the finances of the Newspaper. Knowing that they were on borrowed time before the bank came in and shut us down, I watched long time employee's walk out the front doors for their last time. It was very depressing saying goodbye to people who you spent more time with each day then your own family, but understanding what kind of decisions this family had to make to stay alive and employed.

During the last few months before the final days, I seen this family take upon them a lot of stress. Unbearable stress. Heart attacks, strokes and even suicide of one of their own children. Unbearable.

Knowing my time had come I said my goodbyes, but spoke of coming to see them as much as my life would allow me to, I had heard mention of moving out of state for a lot of the children and the parents had talked of moving to their Florida home for good and selling their home here. Time went on and print machines had been removed and the auctioneers were on the premises and appraising everything that would sell. It was a sad site.

I being young, but knowing that I hated change and always had a hard time with it, couldn't help but think of me.....what will happened to me, where would I go, what would I become? I only allowed myself to think of this for seconds before I would think of this wonderful family that had taken the time to teach me so much. Much more then just business, but what family is really about and how tough times can come to your door, but it's all in how we react, then the what IFS. The what IFS are controllable by our reactions. We control our own destiny.

We. Control. Our. Own. Destiny.

Many of us are feeling the fears of the "What IFS". I have had to control my urge to run out and panic. I will in the next few days walk out the front door for the last time. I know this to be true. I have told those that work with me, so that they can be prepared, but how do they prepare themselves to something so devastating. Something like un-employment, when the economy is so bad right now and there is nothing on the horizon for them just unemployment benefits that barely, if at all, can pay a utility bill or car payment.

I was told by a friend who had to apply for benefits that there is a 3 to 4 week wait before you receive your first benefit check. Some of these people can't wait 3 -4 weeks before they can feed their children or even worst have their utilities shut off.

Who is gonna be here for these families with small children. What will happen when they have no heat and no where to go, but their cars or vans to live. My heart breaks and there is not a damn thing I can do but offer them a meal and a bed. I will fill my house to capacity, I will offer all I can and hope some take the offer. I feel this is the very least I can do. My husband feels I have lost it and gone around the bend of craziness, but I have to do this or I will worry myself until I become sick.

I cry for these people and even for myself, because I know I can not continue this for long before I will have to make a judgement call regarding my own family. They have to eat and be taken care of also.

I'm sad today and I not really sure what the future holds for any of us. Just because today is good, does not mean that next week our financial rug could be pulled out from under us. It shows that we all will be affected by this, all of us.